The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
