So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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