dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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