I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
