I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
