oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
