just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i came on her dog
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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