He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize