Porn is love you can see.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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