Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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