I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
