i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
