consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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