The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
