I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
