you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
