I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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