When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
