talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
