Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
