Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
