Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
