Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
