Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
