Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just high enough for therapy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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