did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
