Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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