It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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