i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
