the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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