I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
