he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
