I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
