Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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