she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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