there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
