My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
