her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
