I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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