I just cut my nipple shaving
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize