there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
