My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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