Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
