Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
