then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
