Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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