Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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