i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
