margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
