You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize