I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
