He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
