Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
