Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
