i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
