dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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