.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
