I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
