PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
