this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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