I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
