We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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