He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
