yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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