haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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