i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
